The Truth

While I sit here on the couch, blogging, watching tv, and the baby is fast asleep in his crib it seems like ages ago that Brady was born.  I can't help but think about how much has changed since those first couple of months.  Life is GREAT.  While I thought I would never be able to walk out the door for work without crying just a few short months ago, now it is routine, and I am happy.  I thought I would NEVER sleep a full night EVER again, and I am back to my usual 8+ hours of uninterrupted sleep.  I thought I would never be able to do anything after work or on the weekends because of the guilt of being away from my baby, yet slowly but surely I'm starting to have a little me time back.  As I see friends having babies, and there is talk in our home of having another baby (not any time soon, but in the not too distant future) I wanted to write this while the memories are still somewhat fresh in my mind.  The TRUE LIFE version of life with a newborn.  So here we go:


1. You will never be completely prepared for the MAJOR life change that happens when you have a baby.  You can read all the books, blogs, studies, web sites you want, but it is not at all like you imagine. It will not go exactly as planned.  It is HARD, it is AMAZING, it is SCARY, it is EXCITING, but it's nothing like you could ever in your wildest dreams imagine until it happens.


2.  The baby blues are real, and it's ok to feel emotionally unstable.  I have never really admitted this to anyone, and Paul is probably the only person to see my full on melt down when we came home from the hospital, but it happened.  No, in no way did I have PPD, but I was VERY emotional.  I felt OVERWHELMED like maybe I wasn't really prepared to be a mommy.  How was I going to take care of this baby when I had no idea what I was doing?  You figure it out, it gets better.  It's OK to be emotional and overwhelmed.  You are entering a world that is completely new, and nothing you have done before in life can compare to. You are a MOMMY now.  You have a little person who relies on you for their every need, and that is a big task.  But, God picked you to be that baby's mommy for a reason.  You will get the hang of it, and it will be great.


3.  You will sleep again!  This was my GREATEST wish when we brought Brady home.  I am NOT a happy camper when I don't get sleep.  I have always needed a good nights sleep to function the next day. So, this was by far the hardest part of having a newborn for me.  It is a round the clock job.  For at least the first month or so, Brady would not sleep longer than maybe 2 hours at a time at night before he wanted to be fed.  It was HARD.  But, it does get better!  You will start to notice that maybe they sleep 4 hours in a row, and that feels great!  Then, they will go 6, then a random night they will sleep 9 and you will feel like a new person!  It takes time, and all babies are different, but most importantly: you will sleep again!  Don't be surprised if your baby has a relapse and starts waking up again, but that too shall pass.  And, you will be sitting on your couch at 9pm with baby fast asleep for the night while you have some alone time with the hubs.


4.  Nursing is hard, but it too gets easier.  I always knew I wanted to breastfeed my baby, because I know how good it is for them.  However, I didn't think about the commitment it really requires.  I could not be away for more than maybe 2 hours at a time for fear that Brady would wake up screaming for his momma.  I really wanted to make it to 6 months at least, but after he was born I thought that would never happen. But, I just took it one day at a time.  Now, here we are at 7 1/2 months and still going strong.  While I do supplement with formula while I'm at work, I still nurse him in the morning and at night.  The nursing sessions have gone from 30-40 minutes each to about 10 minutes. Instead of eating 8-10 times a day, he eats 5 times a day.  So, stick with it!  It is worth it.  But, don't beat yourself up if you don't make it as long as you planned.  Any is better than none at all!


5.  You know your baby better than anyone else.  You will get much unsolicited advise on how to raise your child, what they should eat, how they should act, what they should wear, toys that are bad, toys that are good.  When it comes down to it, no one knows your baby like you do.  Trust your instincts.  You know what's right for YOUR baby.  You may not do everything exactly the way your sister, friend, cousin, sister-in-law did it, but do what works for you and baby.


6. In those first couple weeks, survival and your sanity are key to being happy and keeping your baby happy.  If you don't feel like having company say so.  If you need help, reach out to someone.  Personally, when we came home from the hospital I didn't want anyone at the house staying with us to help out.  It stressed me out more to think that someone would be there ALL the time, seeing me struggle to adjust to our new life with baby.  Some days I simply didn't want to have to get showered and look presentable for company to come over.  I know they probably didn't care what we looked like, and they would certainly understand the situation.  But, for me I didn't feel comfortable with anyone seeing me that way.  And that's ok too!  Like I said your happiness and sanity are KEY to being a good mommy.


7. Soak up those baby snuggles because they are gone so quickly!  I remember at first Brady just wanted to be held all night long.  That was the only way he was content, and the only way we could get some sleep.  Paul and I would alternate taking him out on the couch and just watch TV.  I also (against safety recommendations I know) let him sleep in the bed with us when there was just no other solution to getting any sleep. (Remember do what you need to do...sleep is KEY.)  It is hard to enjoy those moments when you are beyond sleep deprived, but now they are cherished memories.  I will always remember snuggling with him, and how it calmed him down.  He just wanted to be close to mommy or daddy.  Now, I would love for Brady to just cuddle up on me and take a nap sometimes, but he is a BUSY boy.  He does doze off every now and then during his nursing session before bed, and I just sit there holding him starring at his adorable little face...soaking it all in.

8.  Most importantly, you do have a maternal instinct and you figure it out.  I was so worried about how will I know how much to feed him, if he's getting enough, if he's pooping enough, if he's meeting milestones like he should, what his different cries mean, how to soothe him, how will we ever travel again, how will he ever be able to sleep with out being swaddled, when should he eat solid foods...the list goes on and on.  No, there is no manual that you get from the hospital on how to raise a baby, but somehow you just figure it out.  There will be times when the baby is crying and you feel worthless like there is nothing you can do, but that's ok too.  Baby's cry.  It doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong, sometimes they are just going to cry.

Having a new baby brings a whole new meaning to your life.  I can't explain the happiness I get from seeing my happy baby.  Just remember (speaking to myself and the new moms out there), the newborn phase is short lived.  I won't say the old cliche "enjoy every moment of it", because honestly not EVERY moment is enjoyable.  (Changing a poopy diaper at 3am is not categorized as "enjoyable" in my book). But, the LOVE you will feel for this little person will be beyond anything you can ever imagine.  Take it one day at a time, and do realize that the tough times pass.  Don't stress yourself out about doing everything perfectly.  You are the perfect mom to YOUR baby, and that is all that matters.